Why I am not baking- Part 1

 Posted by at 1:00 pm on June 26, 2010
Jun 262010

Disclaimer: This is a long post.

It all started one nice and sunny afternoon. I was driving the boys to school, innocently, minding my own business and even driving the speed limit. I usually do obey the speed limit, but I thought I’d throw that in for good measure.

So on this road that we travel at least 2x’s a day, for the last 6 years, less than a mile from our home….. I see this large bird coming toward me, as I am driving the 30 mph speed limit, my first thought is, what is a turkey doing flying across the road? (Go ahead and laugh- it was a funny thought.)A split second later, my next thought is… why is this turkey not flying higher. Then my next thought is, Holy Cow!!!! This turkey is heading right for me! Do I stop and slam on my breaks and hit the turkey, or do I hold the wheel still and hope at the last minute, the turkey goes over the top of my car. My choice was the latter, since I had 4 kids buckled in the back of the van… and just screamed as I looked out my driver’s side window to see this crazy bird impact with my mirror and window. It was seriously like the cartoons of chickens crashing. The wings were flapping at an incredibly abnormal speed and the face was all dishevled. An image that will forever be in my mind.

(this is about what the chicken looked like)

With a loud thud, the bird was down, I screamed, and my heart started beating faster than it has in a long time. I looked in my rear view mirror as I pulled over to the side of the road and feathers were everywhere! It was snowing in May. The boys were worried asking the best questions. (Keep in mind they are all in Kindergarten.)

E- “What was that?”, “What did you hit?”
B- “Are you OK?”
D- “Why did you scream?”

I turned around, and drove back to see what it was that I hit. This lady came up to me and started yelling at me for hitting the bird and not stopping to let it “cross the street.” I politely told her that the bird flew into my car, and broke my mirror! Look at this damage!!!! (see photo)

She then swore, which I promised my Mother-in-law I would never do on any website or blog… but her words were choice… I was thankful that the boys were too preoccupied with the feather and the “bird” on the side of the road to notice this language. She didn’t know who the owner was, nor did I.. and the bird then wobbled, with a bloody trail under the side of a fence and hid in some shrubs. I decided to drive the boys on to school- or original destination- so we wouldn’t be tardy and come back later to see if I could find the owner.

In the meantime, I called the hubby, and at first he didn’t believe me. Then he was all worried about the insurance and how to tell them about the “bird incident.” I was more worried about how to drive with my mirror dangling from the side of the car.

I went back to the scene of the “bird incident” and found the owner… this is how the conversation went. Word for word. Literally. (Keep in mind, the large gate which was open at the time of the accident is now closed.)

Me- Hi… um, did a large turkey come into your yard a few minutes ago?
Owner- Yes.
Me- Do you know who the owner is?
Owner- Yes.
Me- Who?
Owner- I am.
Me- Well, your turkey flew into my car on the street, right here, and it hobbled into your yard. I wanted to see if it was ok.
Owner- It’s not a turkey.
Me- What is it?
Owner- A hybrid hen. They can fly you know.
Me- Yeah, I figured that out when it flew into my van. It broke my mirror, how is your hen?
Owner- It died.
Me- Oh, I am so sorry. There was nothing I could do. Can I see it?
Owner- No.
Me- Could I at least have a picture to show my insurance what hit me?
Owner- I don’t think so.
Me- OK.

(He was about 20 feet away from me and didn’t move until I walked away.)

Now the hubby calls and tells me that I need to file a property damage report at the police department for our insurance and the adjuster will look at the car in the morning- oh, this should be fun, right? As I drive over to the police station, I am already humiliated enough, and don’t know how much more I can take. Will this day ever end?

Not only when I walk into the police station are there a lot of police men in the lobby, but they are simply doing NOTHING! Well, maybe having a conversation of sorts until someone asks me, “How can we help you?” I of course say, I need to fill out a property damage report for my van. I was hit my a hen and it broke my mirror. Spontaneous laughter fills the lobby and I start hearing bird jokes, and remarks that only come from police officer humor- no offense.

I think the poor officer who was then assigned to my case by someone who seemed to be in charge must have been new. Poor guy. At least he would have something funny to tell his wife tonight! I was officially the joke of the West Jordan Police Department. Bless their souls.

Then on to the insurance adjuster….. right? Where to begin. The whole office had to come out and inspect what damage a hen can do to you while you are driving… then they asked what street it happened on so they could avoid it. Ha! Ha! Hadn’t I just heard that joke the day before? Mirror can be fixed, scratch on the side pannel from the claws of the hybrid hen, can be fixed. We will need your van for 2 days….

These are the drawings at the collision repair that my children did for us- they thought these washable markers were awesome- and they are!

Ethan with his drawing of the hen incident.

And although Addison wasn’t there, she had a pretty good drawing of what happened.

And then Camie wants to join in the fun… I like hers the best.

Then all the kids acting like the chicken flying into the van!

I sure hope they remember this story when they are older and we can laugh about it more. Needless to say, I haven’t received any chicken recipe inspiration. Maybe it will come with time.

My favorite hen joke was from my hubby. I love him.

After the end of the day, we are crawling into bed- it’s late and I am so tired. Sincerely, he says, “Honey, you have sure had a long and hard day. It’s just been FOWL!”
I picked up my pillow and pounded it hard into his head and said back, Just stop it! Go to bed!

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